http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=311D38l5jKM

i might have put this up over a year ago, but I just re-read it and feel it deserves another chance to shine. It's an actual letter from my father about my now-deceased dog, Reggie.


 SATURDAY, AUGUST 25, 2007

 Yesterday morning it was about 80 degrees and humid as all hell. I biked to work and arrived sweaty, pulling my jacket off down to the tanktop underneath. The rest of the day stayed that way, until around 4 when a gale came in with the cold and put our jackets back on our shoulders.

By 6pm I was wondering if I would be able to ride my bike to meet a friend like I said I would, but they were coming from even further away and hadn't said anything about picking me up or cancelling, so out I went. 
It wasn't so bad, until I left the bike lane on Guadalupe and the wind came head first over me, nearly stopping my bike completely and making me swerve into traffic. 
I got off and walked some of the way, until I was out of the main tangle of traffic and then jumped back on and rode to Spider House.

3 hours later

It'd been raining and we'd waited it out for a while, but couldn't stay forever. I considered taking up residence at Spider House but for some reason my friend didn't think it made sense. We wiped down our seats and took off, ears freezing, backs soon pelted with hard rain, turning into sleet. We parted ways at 14th street, my friend insisting they would be ok to make it the rest of the 15-20 minutes home in this weather. As I said goodbye and turned down 14th street the wind became stronger and the sleet became hail, stinging, stinging, face tenderizing hail. I yelled and went faster. In times like these you have to put your head down and remember your one goal: get home.

6 minutes later I was there. 7 minutes later I was changed. 10 minutes later my friend called to say they'd made it in record time and were going to take a hot shower.
12 minutes later, cup of tea in hand, I hear my roommates exclaiming about the snow. I look out side and sure enough it's actual snow, big flakes in fact. The melt upon impact, the ground is not nearly cold enough to keep them, but look, it really is snowing in Austin!

things that are recent:
It's winter which is a season I've never been comfortable with. It's not really all that cold here, especially during the day, yet the symptoms of winter occur.

• getting sick in the throat
• constant runny nose and thus red nose
• dry skin
• weight gain from sudden appetite increase and lack of swimming
• watching way more movies than usual
• room cold all the time

In an effort to combat the funk I was sinking into I rearranged my room, away from so many windows and closer to the vent. It also created a little art space for me away from the computer. Brilliant!

I sold a painting, yay!

I am almost entirely unprepared for christmas, although aside from a gift for chris and for my parents there really isn't anything else I'm doing. It's a little late for the usual things I do, like handmade cards and gifts.

Chili season is upon us!

I signed up for the Hill Country Ride for AIDS. So far my biggest sponsor is Dan's fabulous family but I'm still short of my personal goal by 460 dollars. My team is in even worse shape but hopefully when the official training starts we'll pull it together.

I registered for an informal drawing class at UT, I'm volunteering at SXSW and I probably won't be going back to ACC this next semester.

and now I'm off

 I withdrew from my math class. I was going to fail. Perhaps immeadiately enrolling into a subject I'm not good at as soon as I move to town wasn't a good idea. Sorry I cost you 450 dollars mom and dad:(
I am relieved not to be crying everytime I do worksheet I don't understand or fail a test. Fucking math.

I tried dating. It kind of sucks and is complicated. Maybe I'll try again some other time. All dates cancelled til future notice.

Work is fine, I like to make coffee and talk to customers and co-workers.

My giant wooden plank art project is almost done, I plan to finish it and hang it in Clementine before tomorrow afternoon.

I am taking part in an art show at the coffee shop I work in, Clementine. And at Thunderbird I have some paintings up, they are o.k.

I'm going to San Francisco tomorrow! Yayyyy! I don't have to worry about how I'll study for a test when I'm in San Francisco! Yayyyy!

My dad came to town and we had a good long talk over beer and burgers and THEN Barack Obama became the freaking president-encumbent in an amazing and heartfilling landslide!!!!!! ahhhh!! Tears tears tears! I love you America!

I had a good talk with my mom on the phone the afternoon about school and art and the future and wishes.

Maybe I'll go for a bike ride. it's nice out.

xoxoxoxo

 www.youtube.com/watch

I have the confidence of a snowflake, melts at first heat.

I lost my glasses on the way to school and spent an hour and a half wigging out, hoping no one would take them or run over them, telling myself, this is why it's good not to care about "stuff". Annie and Kate walked all the way to school and back and still didn't see them. I didn't concentrate much in class, sorry to say, couldn't really see the board too well anyway. Luckily it was mostly review. I kept thinking of ways I could leave without taking a hit on class points until finally 4:30 came and I ran out and retraced my steps.
And there they were by an apartment driveway, folded up and sitting on a garden post. Oh god the relief. I put them on immediately, even though the sun hurt my eyes.

I know now, these are my favorite pair.

In other news, the weather is great right now, it feels like fall.
The last of the house guests have gone, since SWUUSI there have been at least 1-4 guests at a time and it's been pretty great if not hectic and busy. And now Kate is gone and thats it, Houseguest-Fest is over. It's a similar feeling to school finishing. There's a sudden vacancy in schedule, spare time is really spare now and hobbies that weren't fully pursued are now there waiting with no excuse.
And on Thursday I have a math test and when I go to school tomorrow to study in the library I won't feel like I'm missing out on whatever everyone is doing without me.

Something awesome: Second Sunday Sock-Hop. O God, how fun. O God I'm terrible at picking up women, though I did give it a little go. Got distracted though, tale as old as time.

The Swell Season/ The Frames are coming and I was so happy and then found out it cost 45 bucks. :( Damn

I love ya glasses! I love ya Kate, I miss you already!

http://www.austin360.com/alist/mediahub/media/slideshow/index.jsp?tId=118479
check photo 28

Too much time living, not enough time archiving.
My parents came to Austin for an early birthday with Chris. They'll be away on a cruise for his actual birthday later this month. It was so pleasant, we ate lunch, Chris got really good and accurate presents, we saw Tropic Thunder which was a surprise hit for me, and ate dinner at Hoovers with Chris' friend and business partner, Wade, who is fun to hang out with any time.

Now I'm back at home, sitting on my couch in my room, thinking about getting back to painting. I put it on hold for a week or so because
1) I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next, sort of painted myself into a corner.
2)I've been very busy, between work and school and visiting friends and establishing relationships with new friends here... and of course the occasional sleep.
3)Everything was kind of messy. I was saying YES! to nearly everything when I got stateside, just rolling in it and it was awesome for a while. Then school started and work was more regular and the social networking prevailed over sleep and next thing you know...
4)Smokin too much, drinkin too much.

I've been consciously not smoking when offered, I need to keep it for specific occasions, I've been feeling really dumb and forgetful and tired lately. I couldn't be one of those high functioning stoners.

Now I've gotten into a better groove, people have been here for a while and there isn't a need to do something all the time, I had time to sleep and hang out with new friends as well as Chris, I didn't put off my homework this week...
and my mom was here exclaiming about the great paintings in my room, saying she knew I hadn't painted them but I should do something like that. But mom...I DID paint them. She's always there for a confidence boost :) Also Danny gave me more supplies, really good ones, and more tips on technique. I've had time for inspiration. I still need a desk to work on, something that doesn't encourage a pain in the neck.
Next plan is to find an art group that will help motivate me and get me out there putting forth work and making something of myself.

I've been consciously not smoking when offered, I need to keep it for specific occasions, I've been feeling really dumb and forgetful and tired lately. I couldn't be one of those high functioning stoners.

Anyway, I'm going to draw out my next painting and then go to bed  before 11pm.

Now I'm in school, things have settled down some, I've been at work for about a month. The fear of the future, that lack of confidence in my goals has set upon me. It's time to get motivated but I think I don't have a chance, I'm so scattered, I'm not that good, why can't I be good without school? What do I even want? Do I really think I'll get anywhere in Illustration? Maybe I should consider social work again, but am I really better off there? Do I really want to do that? I need to start going forward, trying harder, believing more in my work.

I need to take a placement test and get the hell out of that 7th grade math class.

I got my period this morning and it was a bad one. On the way to work at 5:30 am I started feeling really badly in my stomach and breaking out in a cold sweat, shaking and going really weak. I pushed on since I was almost there and had to sit on the sidewalk for a minute before I could get enough strength to pull the bike closer to the door. I went inside and collapsed on the chair by the door, scaring the hell out of Maggie, my co-worker. It took about 30 minutes or so to stop sweating and shaking and get my mind clear enough to think, took some pills from home and then tried for a third from the medicine box but the pill tasted so awful I threw up immediately. It was only water though, thank god. Didn't even throw up the pill. And then I was fine. just like that. The blood returned to my face and I was even able to bike back home without incident.

This article makes me think of the totally ghetto threadbare apartment I lived in, in Maine and the really gross apartment parties we'd go to with my boyfriends friends. Age 19 http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/shukert/Unsanitary-Pad-My-Night-In-Nebraskas-Most-Terrifying-Lovenest/

Still haven't been getting a good nights sleep. I go for big sweaty bike rides and work and feel tired and then I go to bed and think about the last week and just, about life. At least I'm not worrying about anything. Work has been pretty cool, nothing to complicated going on there and I like the people I work with.
The bruises on my legs are almost gone. Goodbye Oklahoma memories.
Guess I'm kind of calm and preoccupied today. I got up at 5 this morning, maybe that's part of it. The heat's eating my appetite away.

Anyway, the housemates are thinking about going to Barton Springs in a while and I've got an Improv show to go to with Devon tonight and then I think we'll meet up with Danny and Co for Danny's birthday funtimes.  and the I'll crash, wake up at 10 tomorrow and go to work 5 hours later.

This day has gone by and now it's 4pm.
I'm back now, from NZ and I don't reckon on going back. As Jack said, I was handed a new life in Austin, gift wrapped and with kisses. I added the kisses part.
So I start training at Clementine tomorrow. I went by with my brother, met some of the dudes who work there, asked some questions about  coffee stuff and got a coffee training video(man. those baristas...hah!)

Jack lied and said it was late when we woke up but it didn't feel that late but thats ok cause I'm going to sleep sooneventually. I say that but. I never sleep when I should or when I have nothin to do.

Anyway SWUUSI was good times, it was the best idea since being away so long. I just fell into the waiting arms of friends and then we all got the shakes from the no sleep and the drankin. Beautiful times. And I made better connections with people I'd known before but didn't know well enough. Some more than others.

That is all.

p.s.mike harris, where you at?

So, my brother is really helping me out, with a scooter and a phone and the phone I'm getting looks really sweet.
... Man this is all working out very differently from last time.  From a lot of times I've started over.It's nuts. Also he said he'd come get me from Houston so I would be able to get my stuff going sooner, before school starts. Now I just have to avoid that weird guilty feeling I get when so many good things happen to me at once.

Last day of work is over and done with here. Saw Bill, who I didn't think I'd see again.Got the giant card and all, sweet as.

Well, I'm off to the first of two goodbye parties tonight, two of my goodbye parties. First one's for work, everyone is ditching out, leaving the country for England, Germany, Australia, 'Merca and Finland. After the dinner it's back to my house for the Smell Ya Later all night extravaganza. There will be a dance off, probably dominated by the boys. They can't fight the dance when the music starts pumpin. Scares the girls away. Except for me. I dominate them all.

That is all.

I cut out the pattern for a skirt today and accidentally cut two pieces out of the wrong part of the pattern. See?!See how I don't pay attention and thusly mess up recipes and patterns and instructions? This is why you should never bother with those things in the first place. If there was never a guideline then you can't possibly mess up.

I sold my dresser today, it took about an hour on trademe.co.nz
Personally I think it's immediate success it that I painted blue stars on it and sold it for 25 bucks. Something a little different. A little more excellent.
When I think about it, what with weapons being ok to tote around in public and blood being drawn if it looks like you're a drunk driver and lack of family and healthcare support, maybe America isn't the greatest country in the world. That gladiator was lying. He did rip a phone book in half though.

I'm still going back to it though.